Kittens to your Desk (or Not)

Recently, someone on my FaceBook got extremely excited over this post.

Please note: the kittens are not
delivered in boxes.  I hope.

For those of you who can't be bothered to click on the link, a rather disreputable taxi company called in Australia is doing a 'dial a kitten service' via Uber.  According to the article: "Uber customers in Brisbane, Gold Coast, Geelong, Melbourne, Perth and Sydney can now order the kitten delivery service, which costs approximately £20 and a cab will bring an actual fluffy piece of tiny joy to your desk, for you to play with, smother in kisses and enjoy for 15 minutes." There were also assurances that "Uber has teamed up with animal shelters... who will benefit from the money raised and will also be on hand during the cuddle time, to keep an eye on the fluff-balls and to answer any questions you might have about adoption."

My friend thought this was brilliant and wanted all taxi companies to get in on the action to enable him to have a kitten delivery at need.  My immediate knee jerk reaction was horror and not just at the cutesy prose: this is pretty much a cat's idea of hell.  I was seriously unimpressed with the charities for agreeing.  I mean, how could they agree?

"Hey Director Bob, you know that really dodgy taxi company that was in the papers last month?"
"Yep, Marketing Maverick."
"They'd like to try and improve their reputation."
"Yeah?"
"Yep, by delivering out already off-kilter and possibly traumatised kittens to people they've never met before, completely out the blue, in an unfamiliar place, with no control, for 15 minutes of enforced petting the kitten can't escape from.  And they want to use ours!  What do you think?"
"YOUWHATNOW?!?!?"

However, when I starting thinking in a little more depth, I saw something completely different: a not very successful PR stunt, and a very successful piece of hijack marketing, and not from a source you'd expect.

There are two things going on here:

1. The Unconvincing PR Campaign - This is a PR campaign by the taxi company trying to change their reputation by delivering kittens to workers.  The likelihood is that this isn't going to work.  A company with a notoriety for sexual harassment and unfair surcharges isn't likely to manage to change that by delivering kittens. There are multiple reasons, but one of the main ones is that issues with taxis generally involve late nights, darkness and alcohol.  This is a very different demographic to the kitten-ordering office workers.  This campaign isn't solving or tackling the core issues of safety and trust with their customers, which at this point has been materially damaged.  We're not talking about a shirt where the thread keeps coming off, we're talking about situations that involve compromised physical safety, potential assault (depending on the severity of the sexual harrassment) and intimidation.  A customer is just not going to risk using that company (especially when there are so many easy identical substitutes without the danger) unless they do something dramatic about it.  The company might get some kitten orders, but those same office workers who are happy for the taxis to transport animals are not going to use it themselves because there's no real mental link between kittens and safety, even if they manage to establish the former.  At best, I'll give them points for innovation if not for efficacy, but I'm not convinced.

2. The Hijack - This is the cunning hijack by the local animal charities which is likely to be very successful.   The involvement of animal behaviour charities seems to be geared towards the adoption of the kittens and are using the taxi company's initiative (and money) to do it. For example, it's mentioned in the article that charity workers would be there to talk about adoption to any interested parties.  My suspicion is that there are too many kittens in the shelters at the moment and consequently are at risk of destruction.  The choice has been made that kittens are more adaptable than cats to difficult situations, and it's a lesser evil to put them through a stressful experience which will end up in their getting rehomed, than to leave them to the mercies of the system.  After all, it's hard to turn down kittens, so they probably don't go out to offices more than a few times before getting adopted.

Not only that, but it's excellent targeting.  Anyone using this service will be:

• Affluent enough to afford a cat as they can throw £20 away on a whim (it works out as £80 per/hour!) 
• A cat lover - enough to want to use the service
• Likely to not have a cat at home (in that they are willing to pay for time with a cat)
• In gainful employment so generally stable with fixed accommodation 

Basically, ideal potential owners.   It's less to do with 'kitten delivery' as the article phrases it, and everything to do with manipulating your targets with a stealth 'try before you buy' strategy, full with a dedicated sales person (the charity worker), a level of helpful guilt as the kittens are all homeless and ownerless, and use of the very basic biological urge that we are drawn to young mammals because it mimics cues in human babies (large eyes, large heads, short limbs etc.) right in your lap.  I would love to see the adoption statistics in 6 months of these charities because I reckon there will be a massive spike in rehomed kittens.

I like this: I like the fact that charities have managed to use what appears to be a slightly unsavoury company to further their aims and aid in the rescue of abandoned animals, and done it in a clever enough way that it's been picked up on social media half way across the world.

Bravo!

Just don't, y'know, expect kitten delivery to be a viable business model.